ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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