Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Farmville is her only friend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
