he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
