I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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