i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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