Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he shaved USA in his pubs
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
