Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
