Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
