You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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