I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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