the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
