This dress was meant to end up on your floor
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
