forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You left your phone here
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