I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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