I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
