Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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