Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
