So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
