i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want to make out with him forever
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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