I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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