I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
