Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
