I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
