I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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