My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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