Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
