No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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