i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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