Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
