Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
