Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
