you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
