Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
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