who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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