I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
