ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
