a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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