Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
