I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
