come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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