She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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