i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
