Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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