Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
