i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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