Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
