Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So. Much. Porn.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize