Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
