Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
