I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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