with your own penis?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
