Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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