I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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