what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
