You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
