So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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