I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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