no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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