well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
