Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
