Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
