He uses pillows to masturbate.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
