I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize