batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
