belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
