Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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