so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
