The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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