I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
