Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
