how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize