I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
