He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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