New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
3 2 1 whiskey
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize