after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
